My Randomness

Everyday is different, I know, some days I'm okay, or at least ya know as okay as I ever get.  Today wasn't one of those days. I said last time I'd talk about life since I got to back to PA, so maybe let's do that shall we? I came back March 6, I almost said home, but to be honest, this doesn't feel like home anymore, so I've changed it. Ah, the power of backspace!! Anyway, I got back on March sixth, and I thought I knew what was going to happen, stay with my est friend, give her part of my money every month, send the rest down to my boyfriend in Mississippi, work at my stepjerk's bar and go to school for my LPN. I had a plan! Plans are important!! They save us from being lost in the woods, not knowing what the bloody hell we're doing, or where we're going. Yeah...you now that old saying about man plans, and God laughs? Yeah exactly. So no job, I had committed the unforgivable sin of trying to apply for unemployment while down south, so I was too...

So, let's review shall we?  I reconnected with an old "friend", fell in love...agreed to move a thousand miles away to be with him, had my mom fly him here first as my birthday gift last year to try it out first, and got pregnant. My first pregnancy ever, something I'd given up on. I was so happy, I had a man I loved, a real relationship for the first time ever, a baby on the way, a whole new life. So what if my friends thought I was crazy, my family thought it was a mistake? I mean here was everything I ever dreamed of, and I had him telling me he was going to love me forever, and we were going to build a new life together. So I went, I quit my jobs, I gave up my apartment, gave all my furniture away, and just closed my eyes took a deep breath and leaped off the cliff. Cut to October 8th, I lost the baby. I went into labor, and my daughter died. Apparently my body has like way more bacteria than ya know, everyone else. So while she should have been safe inside my w...