My Randomness

I did not plan any of this. When I told you to move here I had no idea I was going to meet someone who lived 1100 miles away, and that I would fall for him, and wind up deciding to move closer to him. That being said, I still believe this was a good move for you, we both know my mom even with all her Paul insanity is way more there for you and the kids then your mom was or ever would be, and within one month of getting here you have a job, a house, the potential for a promotion, a love life, and several new friends. I understand that you don't think it's smart, the choice I'm making, I even understand that you feel I lied to you, even though I didn't. This all happened very suddenly, should that give me pause, maybe, but it's not. I'm sorry if you feel like I misled you. That was NEVER my intention, I wanted you here while I was here, I wanted this, I still want that, I just want this other thing too. I can't have both, so I'm counting on the fact t...

I have made a decision, I'm moving to Mississippi. I have thought about it, weighed the pros and cons and the final decision while not an easy one, is one I am comfortable with. I hate leaving L and the boys, more even then leaving my mom and sister. They just got here, and the timing couldn't be any worse. Here's the thing, when L made the decision to go to Mass, she made it clear that it was her and the boys, I wasn't welcome, I wasn't pleased, but she's my best friend, so I supported her choice, and hoped for the best for her. All I'm hoping for is the same from her. I think everyone gets one reckless decision per lifetime in the name of romance. This one is mine. I've gone 37 years without making a single reckless decision like this, and I've earned the right to this one. Maybe it's a mistake, maybe I'll regret it. If I do, it's just as easy to buy a one way ticket to Pittsburgh from Jackson, as it is to buy one in the opposit...

almost, anyway. By my reckoning, Maurice and I started talking around April 9th, so we're just a couple of days shy. Let's see then in one month's time, I've shifted Mark back to his rightful place as a really good friend, lost a father I never knew I had to begin with and fallen head over heels for a man who lives 1100 miles away. Oh I've also had my best friend and her three boys who I love like my own move in with me, decided my landlord is a gorram lunatic, and started looking for a new place. Not a bad months work!! I love having L and the boys here, being able to see them all the time after a 2 year hiatus, is amazing. The only drawbacks are a. we're really cramped in this tiny apartment b. My landlord is wigging out that she hasn't got a place yet even though it's been less than a month and c. she is not thrilled with my new interest in Maurice. The last doesn't bother me overmuch, except that I want my best friend and the guy I love ...

Not so much a salesman, but hey, he was a man, he's dead now... My father died yesterday. Got a text message from my brother saying, "He passed, his suffering on earth is done," and my mom said, "he had a hard life," two people who actually knew the man I only know by name. Gave me a different view to consider. Everyone has that epiphany moment when you realize that your parents are just people, for some it comes early, others, not so much. I've always thought of Jim, as the father who walked away from me, for his other family. I heard the stories of Vietnam, of who he was, and it never penetrated. The idea that he was a man, someone with dreams that never came true, he went to elementary school somewhere, he had friends, and was an individual, completely separate from his role as deadbeat dad. To quote Sugar Ray, how bizarre!! More than his reality as a person, is the idea of him suffering. Wait, so I'm not the only one who suffered? W...