Big stuff..

By -
I have made a decision, I'm moving to Mississippi. I have thought about it, weighed the pros and cons and the final decision while not an easy one, is one I am comfortable with. I hate leaving L and the boys, more even then leaving my mom and sister. They just got here, and the timing couldn't be any worse. Here's the thing, when L made the decision to go to Mass, she made it clear that it was her and the boys, I wasn't welcome, I wasn't pleased, but she's my best friend, so I supported her choice, and hoped for the best for her. All I'm hoping for is the same from her. I think everyone gets one reckless decision per lifetime in the name of romance. This one is mine. I've gone 37 years without making a single reckless decision like this, and I've earned the right to this one. Maybe it's a mistake, maybe I'll regret it. If I do, it's just as easy to buy a one way ticket to Pittsburgh from Jackson, as it is to buy one in the opposite direction.

I've talked to the boys about my leaving, they will miss me, they don't want me to go, but they said they will still love me, actually, Conor said he won't love me anymore lol, but the other two will. :/ Conor wants to chain me to the floor, so I can't go, as a matter of fact. The other two want to come with me. I love those kids so much!!!! It's gonna break my heart to leave them and L!!!
I couldn't do it at all, if I didn't know that my mom is here for all of them. Knowing that she will love them as much as I do, and will be there for them if they need anything, is what gives me the courage to do this. Every mother gives their child wings, and mine is one of the worlds best, cause she also gives me the assurance of a soft landing if I fall.

I've spent the majority of my life living it for other people, trying to be everything they needed, and I do NOT regret one single moment of any of it. The rewards I've received have been more than commiserate, but it's time to do something for me. To step outside of my comfort zone,and see if there is something out there for me. Maybe Maurice will wind up being nothing more than a good friend. I won't lie, that would be massively depressing, but there's a chance he'll turn out to be something much much more than that. I didn't think I needed that. I thought I was ok with the idea of a live without romance, guess I was lying to myself. Now that I see the possibility of something more, I want it, badly!

Comments

  1. AngieMay 13, 2011 at 11:02 PM

    Why can't your love interest move to you? I'm not trying to be unsupportive, just wondering what the situation is.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Jeannette DesmondMay 13, 2011 at 11:56 PM

    He has a son, that he doesn't have custody of, just visitation, and he can't bring himself to move so far away from his little boy

    ReplyDelete
  3. LauraMay 14, 2011 at 12:08 AM

    The love interest is completely noncommittal. In addition to every other reason this is the most outstanding example of sheer stupidity I have ever witnessed, he has four ex-wives, which says everything about the likelihood of success of this venture. To compare this to my move to Massachusetts is ridiculous as you repeatedly stated you had no wish to ever move there. I do not support or forgive this, and when/if you ever come to your senses, I will not refrain from saying, "I told you so." That is, if I'm even speaking to you at all.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Jeannette DesmondMay 14, 2011 at 6:55 AM

    No, I stated, that I would go there with you to be close to you and the kids, and I meant it. You said at the time that what we were doing obviously wasn't working and you felt it was tome to try something different, and see if IT worked. I never said I was assured of the success of this venture as you call it. It may be an utter failure, but again, it's a risk I'm willing to take. I'm not asking you to cheer me on, hell I'm not even asking you to refrain from "I told you so'ing" if it doesn't work out. I would be amazed if you did, just to acceppt my decision, and be my friend. After 25 years, there is NOTHING you could do that would cause me to stop speaking to or loving you, I would hope that " had earned at least that much in return.

    ReplyDelete
  5. LauraMay 14, 2011 at 4:32 PM

    Wait until someone tells you for two years that they should move to be closer to them and then one month after you do, they decide to move to Shitsissippi.

    ReplyDelete

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