Back to Life Ordinary

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So Maurice has returned home. He stayed three weeks and, it was great. Having him here, felt utterly natural, I was totally at ease with him. He even managed to make friends with the people who were determined not to like him, lol! He even got a job offer from one of the bars regulars!

We really didn't do ANYTHING, we stayed home watched tv, we were boring people. All the people who swore we'd fight, or thought that the chemistry wouldn't be there were totally wrong! There was chemistry, and I won't lie, I was afraid he would see me and suddenly realize he wasn't actually interested, but he was!! I know it's kind of pathetic, but I will be the first to say I have some very deeply rooted insecurities, so....

Now he"s gone and I feel totally lost. I am insecure wondering if he regrets asking me to move down there, if he just went along cause he was already here, and now is trying to figure out how to tell me he doesn't want a relationship with me after all. He says I over think everything, but it's thew way I am. I want to be all cool, and nonchalant but I've already passed the point of playing it cool. I feel naked and exposed and totally out on a limb. I forgot that this was part of the whole "in love" thing. And since this is the first time I've been in love with someone who actually wanted to be in a relationship with me, I don't actually know the protocol!

Blergh! I deeply hate feeling insecure like this! I wanna bury my head in a pillow and scream!!!

Meanwhile my hours are being cut at both jobs, and I have a million things to do if I am in fact leaving! For the record I am leaving, unless of course something bad happens, waiting for the other shoe to drop, yeah ok that's familiar! Bah!


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