Ch ch ch changes

So if you read this blog, or for that matter, my Facebook, you know that I have moved back to Pennsylvania and that Allen and I have broken up. *snort* No, we didn't "break up", that is too polite a phrase. He dumped me, he didn't even have the decency to tell me with a phone call or a text or even a message on Facebook, he just changed his relationship status. He said, when he finally talked to me about it, that he didn't want a fight or a discussion...I guess that's fair. He said we weren't happy and that he didn't think we could be, so he ended it, but that part of him still loved me. Then the next day he found out I'd taken his football jersey with me when I left, I wanted something special that I knew he cared about, to feel like he was close, until I went back. Suddenly, he didn't actually still love me, I was a piece of shit a thief a liar and he DID have a new girlfriend even though he had denied it, he never wanted to speak to me again, everyone in Mississippi thinks I am a piece of shit, they all hate me, I should go fuck myself. Over a shirt!!! A shirt, granted that was unbeknownst to me a birthday gift from his son, a shirt I agreed to send back, and in point of fact mailed off today. Suddenly even though I had agreed to pay the bill on the phone he shut it off and reported it as stolen, he changed the infromation on the Netflix account and shut me out. He unfriended me on Facebook (I had been blocked) and that's it.

This man that I gave up my home and jobs to move to because he couldn't move, then told me to get my own shit straight since I seem to have a hard time managing that. I didn't until I chose him. I got pregnant, said the hell with my entire life and went to him. After the miscarriage I tried to rebuild myself in a life with him, and my coming home was another attempt to "get my shit straight". When we started talking he was staying at a friends, his ex took his daughter away, he had to find a new place and had no clue where he was going to go, because I was moving there he got a car, he found a place. Then a friend gave him a trailer and his mom helped pay to fix and move it. Now he has work with his mom and tattooing, something he'd stopped and he owns that car, and he has custody of his daughter back. I'm not claiming I did any of that, but I was there to help to be supportive. Now I'm here alone with no home and no job and no baby, nothing.

I'm not whining, even if it seems like that. The fact is I have accepted where I'm at and what the situation is, but I feel the need to set the record straight, to lay it out in black and white. He chose to attack me because I took a shirt, I choose to forgive him for taking my life and my trust, and my heart and throwing them away like they were worthless.