We can be friends and we can be lovers...can't we?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fghCxpKkUa0
I am not stupid. Really though, I'm not And yet...
I am still friends with my ex, we talk on Facebook a couple of times a week on average, we Skype, and I ask about his family and the animals and just life in general down there. We talked last night, and looking at him on Skype, seeing in OUR home, while he talks about his wife and kids I hate him, and I remember falling in love with him. Our ten months play behind my eyes and I listen to him talk about things that make me want to scream with frustration because they are kinds of things we DIDN'T fight about but that we should have. The things he does that I think are stupid or aggravate the hell out of me and it's who he is and I am who I am and while I still look at him and think ,"I still want him so badly it aches." I also realize we could never work together for the rest of our lives. This thought makes me wonder how we fell in love, in some ways I see the same mindset from him now that brought us together in the first place. He's dark and wounded and my inner nurse/mother/goddess what-ever-the-hell she is wants to hold him and make it better, easier for him. Take away the hurt I hear in his voice or see in his eyes.
Is that love? I think that's was my first step to love, maybe the lust came first...okay yeah the lust was first gotta be honest. But is that really the equation of love 'lust+wanting to keep away hurt=love'? Or is there some other factor I'm not seeing?
Can you be friends with your ex, like real friends not just civil to each other but lean on one another close? I don't know. I do know that we were together, and I was isolated from my friends and family, so we were together every day all day (which for the record I strongly discourage!!) and I couldn't go from sharing every thought every day with someone to not talking to them anymore ever. Maybe I should have but I couldn't. So many people ask me, How can you talk to him after everything he put you through? That's the answer. He was my best friend when my best friend decided I was an idiot and wasn't there to talk to anymore. He and I shared an experience that no one else did. To be clear, I know other couples have has miscarriages, but no one else had our miscarriage, they lost their child and that is a singular loss, like no one else's on earth. Isabella was our experience.
I have so little experience in relationships...just the one and in love. He was my third love but he is the only one I had more than a sexual relationship and I know that limits my view. So maybe I don't know love, I have so few healthy examples of it in my life, and tv, movies and music are no help whatsoever.
I don't know how warped I am either. I'll tell you a secret..(cause the web is the perfect place for that right?) I am sick mentally, Bipolar, sever depressive, social anxiety who knows I've been diagnosed with all and I'm on treatment for none, so I worry that I'm not normal, that I do and say things to show how alien I feel in the world around me. Then sometimes I am sure I am seeing things clearly and the people around me are the idiots!lol
So the point friends is can you be friends with someone you still love if you know intellectually that you could never be together really? Does the recognition of that fact give you the freedom to just be friends or will that love if you don't smother it completely grow stronger and choke you off from the possibility of moving on? Truth? I don't know, and I'm not sure if not the answer I hope it to be I have the strength to do what that would mean.
I am not stupid. Really though, I'm not And yet...
I am still friends with my ex, we talk on Facebook a couple of times a week on average, we Skype, and I ask about his family and the animals and just life in general down there. We talked last night, and looking at him on Skype, seeing in OUR home, while he talks about his wife and kids I hate him, and I remember falling in love with him. Our ten months play behind my eyes and I listen to him talk about things that make me want to scream with frustration because they are kinds of things we DIDN'T fight about but that we should have. The things he does that I think are stupid or aggravate the hell out of me and it's who he is and I am who I am and while I still look at him and think ,"I still want him so badly it aches." I also realize we could never work together for the rest of our lives. This thought makes me wonder how we fell in love, in some ways I see the same mindset from him now that brought us together in the first place. He's dark and wounded and my inner nurse/mother/goddess what-ever-the-hell she is wants to hold him and make it better, easier for him. Take away the hurt I hear in his voice or see in his eyes.
Is that love? I think that's was my first step to love, maybe the lust came first...okay yeah the lust was first gotta be honest. But is that really the equation of love 'lust+wanting to keep away hurt=love'? Or is there some other factor I'm not seeing?
Can you be friends with your ex, like real friends not just civil to each other but lean on one another close? I don't know. I do know that we were together, and I was isolated from my friends and family, so we were together every day all day (which for the record I strongly discourage!!) and I couldn't go from sharing every thought every day with someone to not talking to them anymore ever. Maybe I should have but I couldn't. So many people ask me, How can you talk to him after everything he put you through? That's the answer. He was my best friend when my best friend decided I was an idiot and wasn't there to talk to anymore. He and I shared an experience that no one else did. To be clear, I know other couples have has miscarriages, but no one else had our miscarriage, they lost their child and that is a singular loss, like no one else's on earth. Isabella was our experience.
I have so little experience in relationships...just the one and in love. He was my third love but he is the only one I had more than a sexual relationship and I know that limits my view. So maybe I don't know love, I have so few healthy examples of it in my life, and tv, movies and music are no help whatsoever.
I don't know how warped I am either. I'll tell you a secret..(cause the web is the perfect place for that right?) I am sick mentally, Bipolar, sever depressive, social anxiety who knows I've been diagnosed with all and I'm on treatment for none, so I worry that I'm not normal, that I do and say things to show how alien I feel in the world around me. Then sometimes I am sure I am seeing things clearly and the people around me are the idiots!lol
So the point friends is can you be friends with someone you still love if you know intellectually that you could never be together really? Does the recognition of that fact give you the freedom to just be friends or will that love if you don't smother it completely grow stronger and choke you off from the possibility of moving on? Truth? I don't know, and I'm not sure if not the answer I hope it to be I have the strength to do what that would mean.
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