My Randomness

So at first my brother in law was totally stoked about Laura and the kids moving here. He thought, and I agree, that Alex having playmates his own age was a great thing. Now after just a few play dates, he feels he's being taken advantage of. * facepalm * Can I tell you how often I ask these people for anything? Yeah, like never. Now I remember the reason for that. Ya know it's like my cousin Jeannie, I forget when I'm with her how she totally flakes on visiting, and staying in touch 99% of the time, cause she's just so much fun to be with....with my sister and brother in law, I stay away, far away, most of the time, then I allow myself to be sucked in by them only to have one of them suddenly turn on me and remind me all over again why I stayed away in the first place!!!! My mom is another one that makes me crazy, she is all about how she wants to help, and she'll do this or that, and she does, but she's so bus helping everyone else too that she overcomm...

I believe I was deeply in the throes of a mad new crush. No worries gentle reader, I still am. lol. Maybe more than a crush, who knows. Special fuck you very much goes out to my bf and mom for the new moniker b.o.w and b.o.m, meaning boyfriend of the week and boyfriend of the month respectively. I'll grant that they have a valid point in that I can sometimes shift my affections suddenly, but I am not that bad!! T was like months, Mark was a friend for ages, before I realized he had the potential to be more, and now we come to my new object of affection. Tempted to use his real name, because a. I don't think he'd mind, and b. I don't think he'll read this. but to be safe let's call him Maurice. Maurice and I are still talking all day, everyday, via text. I went through 3000 text's as a mater of fact before I went ahead and added unlimited texts to my phone. We've discussed everything from foods, parenting, tv shows, music, suicide, criminal records (we...

So when last we spoke I was crushed by Mark's total unavailability. Mark who??? lol. I still think Mark is awesome, he's a really good friend, and I'm glad he's in my life, but guess what boys and girls, I have met someone. Funniest part is it was someone I've actually known for almost 25 years. We went to day care together if you can believe that. He was a little shit head, he karate kicked me in my face, and before you go all, that's how little boys treat girls they like, lemme stop you...no. He didn't like me, I'm not at all certain, we were even friends, back then. He was a friend of my friends, and aside from being in daycare together, we were in the same 5th and 6th grade classes. A mutual friend recently hooked back up with him, and suggested we should reconnect as well. We did, and it was fine. No sparks, he was with someone, I wasn't thinking about it. Then he went through some bad stuff, and we talked some more. Still, no sparkage. ...

So my father is dying. So says my half brother, via a facebook message I received tonight on my cell phone. He's gone in to hospice care and "they" don"t think he has much time left. I', not entirely certain who "they" are, or what exactly it is that he's dying from. My father has never met me, or to be fair, I have never met him. I guess he saw me a lot when I was a baby, but by the time I was a year old he was gone, for good. He moved away with his wife, his new son, and the baby girl she was carrying. I never got a card, a letter, even a postcard to say," hey how are you?" When I was about 25 years old I looked up my brother and found him and by extension my father. The reunion was not exactly heart warming. We talked a few times and I realized why his absence from my life up to that point was not a tragedy after all. After that my interest in the subject essentially vanished. I friended my brother on fb and eventually my siste...

So in about seven hours, I will be hitting the road with my sister brother in law and nephew on a five day vacation. I'm looking forward to the change of scenery. Get out of town and maybe get my mind off Mark. I'm becoming more than a little myopic on the subject. The drawbacks though are that I don't know that I trust my sister to be ...shit I don't even know the word, sane, behaved, normal, manageable??!! Whatever. I worry about what it'll be like to be trapped, hundreds of miles from home with her and Will for five whole days. Also of course my best friend and the boys just got to town yesterday, and I hate leaving so soon. I'll be taking my computer so believe me there will be bloggage throughout the trip. Whatever maybe I'll meet Mr. Perfect and he'll wipe the face of Mark from my memory. Doubtful, but you never know right?! Yeah I know stupid.

So I sent a good part of my evening with Mark and his new gf, we'll call her Meghan. Meghan is super nice. I hate her! I want to claw her eyes out with my bare hands! Like a lot. Does that make me a bad person? Yeah, well I'll repair my karma in some other way. Watching them together is an exquisite form of torture. He touches her, he kisses her they hold hands. I fantasize it's me not her, and then I fight the urge to cry! Why can't it be me??? She's talking about moving down here at the end of the summer, and I think I may have to kill myself. I can't stand the idea of not going around Mark. It would break my heart to lose him as a friend but how long can I continue to play nice with Meghan when I want to be her! Ugh!!

Facebook Social Networking makes it way too easy to obsess. I can track the status' of "Mark", his new girlfriend, her ex boyfriend, on and on. I can and do!! I know it's borderline creepy, and way obsessive, but I can't stop myself! I look for signs of trouble, I torture myself with every new sign of blissful coupleness. I remember when you were stuck, searching the phone book for a phone number and address, and then trying to figure out ways to casually stroll by to see if they were there. The modern age is a blessing and a curse in equal measures. According to The Social Network, even the great and powerful Zuckerburg gives in to the temptation!! Probably just a dramatic invention, but so perfect, it should be true, even if it isn't. FourSquare, Twitter, Formspring, facebook, they are tools of the modern masochist.

Tonight I hung out with "Mark" and another guy. Yeah I'm a masochist, we've established that. He's almost 11 years younger than me, and yet I'm totally nuts about him. His eyes twinkle, I swear to the FSM! It sounds juvenile and ridiculous, but they literally twinkle!!! He has hair that peeks out of the top of his shirt, and I swear, I wanna touch it. He's so completely not what I ever thought I wanted, and yet I really and truly desire him. Forget, for a minute, that he makes me laugh like no one else I know, that he always know the right thing to say to make me feel better, or to forget what I'm upset about in the first place, he makes me want to hold him and touch him. I have a genuine crush, I'm not in love but it could so easily happen. How does a 36 year old woman find herself, in this situation???? I am stupid, crazy in the grip of a girly crush? Isn't there some kind of expiration date for this sort of thing? Like you hit your ...