thinking..

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Tonight I hung out with "Mark" and another guy. Yeah I'm a masochist, we've established that. He's almost 11 years younger than me, and yet I'm totally nuts about him. His eyes twinkle, I swear to the FSM! It sounds juvenile and ridiculous, but they literally twinkle!!! He has hair that peeks out of the top of his shirt, and I swear, I wanna touch it. He's so completely not what I ever thought I wanted, and yet I really and truly desire him. Forget, for a minute, that he makes me laugh like no one else I know, that he always know the right thing to say to make me feel better, or to forget what I'm upset about in the first place, he makes me want to hold him and touch him. I have a genuine crush, I'm not in love but it could so easily happen.
How does a 36 year old woman find herself, in this situation???? I am stupid, crazy in the grip of a girly crush? Isn't there some kind of expiration date for this sort of thing? Like you hit your thirties, and you are guaranteed immunity from acne, crushes, and giggeling?! I hate being a grown up about this. My brain says he has a new girlfriend, there's no guarantee that it'll work out, so shut up, and if it does work out he's entitled to be happy so I should be happy for him. Meanwhile, the other side of brain is screaming screw the bitch! He belongs with me!!!!!! I need therapy! I do want him to be happy, I won't say anything. But I will continue to mope, and be miserable, and generally unpleasant to the world at large. I don't know that it's the mature way to act, but it's been proven to work for women of all ages and stages for millenia. I swear that Rosiland, was suddenly in love with Romeo the moment she knew he wanted Juliet.

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