Torture...

By -
So I sent a good part of my evening with Mark and his new gf, we'll call her Meghan. Meghan is super nice. I hate her! I want to claw her eyes out with my bare hands! Like a lot. Does that make me a bad person? Yeah, well I'll repair my karma in some other way. Watching them together is an exquisite form of torture. He touches her, he kisses her they hold hands. I fantasize it's me not her, and then I fight the urge to cry! Why can't it be me???
She's talking about moving down here at the end of the summer, and I think I may have to kill myself. I can't stand the idea of not going around Mark. It would break my heart to lose him as a friend but how long can I continue to play nice with Meghan when I want to be her!
Ugh!!

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

When life gives you lemons...

By -
If you had asked me in high school where I thought I'd be in in 15 years, I'm not sure what I would have said, but I fairly certain it would have been no where near where I am today!!! I'm reading the James Frey novel A Million Little Pieces, and it's amazing how, in spite of the fact that I am not an addict, I really identify with the man. I feel that I am responsible for the choices I have made, I cannot blame them on biology or the failures of my parents, I made a choice over and over to do the things I have done. From quitting school, to driving illegally, to smoking pot and to commiting myself to Laura and the kids. I am not sorry about the last choice, the others I would change if I could. I am angry at Laura. That's not something I have not said to her, nor will I, but I am angry at Laura. She let me devote myself, my life, to being a second parent to those boys then she decided to leave and I was not consulted, they were not consulted. No one but her got a v...
Read more

I'm Being Swallowed By A Boa Constrictor...

By -
 My mom may be dying. I just buried my "step-jerk" on December 6th, I wrote his obituary, planned his viewing and burial, made the arrangements, drove Mom, chose Paul's casket, and arranged for the opening and closing of the vault where he was placed. I still have to settle the estate and take care of the final bills, but my mom went to the hospital on January 1st and has been there since then. I ugly sobbed in my car the other day with Duncan and his friend Scott, when it really hit me. Karissa can't deal so she has been hiding ignoring the world and reality. I am not prepared to exist in a world that doesn't have my mom in it I will do whatever I have to to keep moving forward, but when I stop finding ways to keep my hands busy and have time to examine my emotions I will not recover I can't even unpack the fact that the primary source of my teen misery, the emotionally abusive fuck, that sexually assaulted me on two occasions, abused Kim, that treated my mot...
Read more

One month in..

By -
almost, anyway. By my reckoning, Maurice and I started talking around April 9th, so we're just a couple of days shy. Let's see then in one month's time, I've shifted Mark back to his rightful place as a really good friend, lost a father I never knew I had to begin with and fallen head over heels for a man who lives 1100 miles away. Oh I've also had my best friend and her three boys who I love like my own move in with me, decided my landlord is a gorram lunatic, and started looking for a new place. Not a bad months work!! I love having L and the boys here, being able to see them all the time after a 2 year hiatus, is amazing. The only drawbacks are a. we're really cramped in this tiny apartment b. My landlord is wigging out that she hasn't got a place yet even though it's been less than a month and c. she is not thrilled with my new interest in Maurice. The last doesn't bother me overmuch, except that I want my best friend and the guy I love ...
Read more