what a difference a week makes..

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So when last we spoke I was crushed by Mark's total unavailability. Mark who??? lol. I still think Mark is awesome, he's a really good friend, and I'm glad he's in my life, but guess what boys and girls, I have met someone. Funniest part is it was someone I've actually known for almost 25 years. We went to day care together if you can believe that. He was a little shit head, he karate kicked me in my face, and before you go all, that's how little boys treat girls they like, lemme stop you...no. He didn't like me, I'm not at all certain, we were even friends, back then. He was a friend of my friends, and aside from being in daycare together, we were in the same 5th and 6th grade classes. A mutual friend recently hooked back up with him, and suggested we should reconnect as well. We did, and it was fine. No sparks, he was with someone, I wasn't thinking about it. Then he went through some bad stuff, and we talked some more. Still, no sparkage. Then when I went on vacation, we started really talking. He told me all about himself, and suddenly I sensed the possibility of something more. He's smart, which I knew, he's cute, and once again not in the way I normally see people as cute, but undeniably cute all the same. He is a single father, and we all know I can't resist kids...he's almost a male me. I really don't want to think to much on what that says about me. The truth is there's a lot of things about this I'm choosing not to examine too closely. He's not emotionally stable, like at all. See though, I come from a dysfunctional grab bag of people who are not emotionally stable, who am I to judge him for that?! My great aunt was bi polar, and spent more time in psychiatric wards than she did out. They used ECT to bring her out of near catatonic states of depression. My grandmother had a total breakdown, and was diagnosed as bipolar, with schizophrenic tendencies. So yeah, I don't care that he has issues, I have issues, and the only feelings his issue cause me are the kind that make me want to hold him, and shelter him from any more pain, ever. Thanks, I know that's a wee bit unreasonable.
We started flirting, then suddenly we went to a deeper place. Then he pulled back. I was so lost, couldn't understand what had happened...we've talked about it a little, and he says he's gun shy, he's been hurt too many times. The thing is, I am an impulsive person. If it seems like it could be love suddenly it is love. It's stupid, and dangerous, and me. I want him here. We've talked about his moving up here, and right now money seems to be the only obstacle. I don't know what will happen. Maybe I'll be back in two weeks time, saying I was an idiot, again. Then again...

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