What's left when the party's over
You know when you go to a great party, the food is on point and the music all your favorites, and no one you hate shows up? Yeah, well neither do I but I've heard!!! Well for those of you who are familiar with that sort of thing, have you ever wondered about the what happens when the last guest leaves? How long does the host bask in their success, before the inevitable, "what now?" kicks in and they're left with nothing but the clean up and wondering what comes next? That's sort of how it feels when you realize you're 40 years old, single, at a job you hate more days then you don't and have no prospects for change in any of those things.
We all get a list, say society imprints it into us, beginning the first time we watch a tv and every person we encounter from parents to teachers and friends helps to reinforce it daily until one day, without realizing just how it happened we wake up indoctrinated. The details differ slightly but overall it's fairly basic....
Things To Accomplish In Life
1. Get Married, or Find a Life Partner
2. Have children
3. Find A Career and Own It!!
there can be other things, earn a million dollars, travel. get a Phd whatever but those top 3 they are pretty much universal. The problem comes when, you suddenly wake up one day and are shocked to find you somehow reached middle age and neglected to do even one of these!!!! I think I've been in the midst of this realization for a couple years now, but with the New Year holiday just behind me, it's hitting me hard right now.
I've talked before about love, 3 times I've fallen, one of which resulted in an actual relationship, if you wanna cal it that, and all of which culminated in my scraping my heart up with a spatula. I got pregnant one time and that looks to be all I'm gonna get, and as far as work goes well if I keep my rent paid and can continue to juggle the bills I like to think I'm doing well. But there's no passion in any of those areas for me, I don't feel excited by the work I do or by the guys I keep company with.
Bottom line is that something needs to change in my life, and soon!
I made a lot of wrong turns growing up. A process, by the way, that I am not at all convinced, I'm finished. So now I feel it's time to find my way to what I want. Life has to be more than paying off your bills, keeping afloat, you have to make a difference, not necessarily to the world but to one person at least. I
We all get a list, say society imprints it into us, beginning the first time we watch a tv and every person we encounter from parents to teachers and friends helps to reinforce it daily until one day, without realizing just how it happened we wake up indoctrinated. The details differ slightly but overall it's fairly basic....
Things To Accomplish In Life
1. Get Married, or Find a Life Partner
2. Have children
3. Find A Career and Own It!!
there can be other things, earn a million dollars, travel. get a Phd whatever but those top 3 they are pretty much universal. The problem comes when, you suddenly wake up one day and are shocked to find you somehow reached middle age and neglected to do even one of these!!!! I think I've been in the midst of this realization for a couple years now, but with the New Year holiday just behind me, it's hitting me hard right now.
I've talked before about love, 3 times I've fallen, one of which resulted in an actual relationship, if you wanna cal it that, and all of which culminated in my scraping my heart up with a spatula. I got pregnant one time and that looks to be all I'm gonna get, and as far as work goes well if I keep my rent paid and can continue to juggle the bills I like to think I'm doing well. But there's no passion in any of those areas for me, I don't feel excited by the work I do or by the guys I keep company with.
Bottom line is that something needs to change in my life, and soon!
I made a lot of wrong turns growing up. A process, by the way, that I am not at all convinced, I'm finished. So now I feel it's time to find my way to what I want. Life has to be more than paying off your bills, keeping afloat, you have to make a difference, not necessarily to the world but to one person at least. I
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